Indecisiveness

When it comes to life issues, I feel that I am not a black and white thinker. I am a rainbow.
Hugo and I were talking last night about when we think life begins. We were wondering if an IUD gives a woman an abortion. If the egg meets the sperm, is fertilized. And the IUD prevents that fertilized egg from implanting, is it an abortion if the IUD is there to do it's job? And as I sat and googled, and made research, I felt it was a gray area.

Such topic made me ponder, am I indecisive, or a flip flopper...simply because I don't seem to want to settle on a yes or no permanent answer.

I feel that life does begin a conception. However, to me, personally, I could never get an abortion once the baby's heart started beating, but before that, I feel I'd be less guilty about it? But I still don't think I could do one...

Tho I agree with 'religion' that life does begin at conception, I feel it's painful to the baby, once the heart starts beating. But, I don't know. It's such a hard topic to discuss.
I no longer have to worry about that. I will never ever have to worry about it. I no longer have a uterus, therefore I will never get pregnant. But my first pregnancy was a surprise, I never once even considered considering an abortion, if that makes sense. I really did want to be a mother, and tho I was 20, I felt my life was destined to have that baby, at that age. I was super happy when I found out I was pregnant, and then the reality sunk, and started to freak out. But, never once did I think: "Well, abortion should be an option to take care of this" Never. Because once I found out, I felt that the baby was you know, alive. By the time I had my first appointment, she did have a heartbeat. So, to me, that baby was a real person. A little grain, but a person.

So, this is where my wishy-washiness comes in. I just don't know.
And I feel ok with that. I think we are all entitled to our opinion, and see it as we wish.
But to me, is a gray area. I used to feel annoyed at myself for being in that gray area. I've always felt that I had to have an ideal set in stone, and stick to it til the day I died. Now, I just say "fuck it" I'll stick with my 'I don't know' and not even stress about it. Why set something in stone? I am open to change. I am open to being progressive.

So, point of this post?
No point. Just blabbing.